Me, Myself & Eyes

Greedy, Selfish, Deceptive, Judgemental, Hateful, Self-Serving, Egotistical…

Many people that I have met in my lifetime seem to be ruled by these traits. But, I’m Libran, and an INFP, which makes me an idealist. It’s in my nature to try to see a persons ‘good side’. Or at least attempt to reach out to it. Libra, the scales, meeting in the middle for harmony. Do I believe in astrology and zodiac signs? A little bit. Do I believe that everyone has a good side? Yes I do… After all, I’m an idealist 🙂

Unfortunately though, some people also have, say, murderous tendencies…It’s difficult to comprehend that such a person even has a good side isn’t it?! They walk around, smiling, past others like you and I who wouldn’t even suspect their wicked ways. Maybe they have a friendly demeanour, a generous heart, or a warm smile. Maybe they are our friendly neighbour, our local priest, our children’s teacher, our policemen, our politicians… our parents. People of authority whom we trust (…ahem)… So, murderers, paedophiles, and other criminals (Psychopaths being the exception) must have a good side- otherwise nobody would like them. That’s Logic, right? They’re fucked up in their own right, but they are still capable to be good/ do good. I see that. I see the potential ‘good’, and try to understand the ‘bad’. I give people the benefit of the doubt, and a second chance. Probably a third, or fourth chance. But sadly, most of the time, in the end, they let me down. In all or some of the ways mentioned above… Greedy, Selfish, Deceptive, Judgemental, Hateful, Self-Serving, Egotistical (etc, etc, etc)

Is that my fault for placing too many expections on others and expecting a higher standard of relationships? Some people say that we shouldn’t place expectations on others. But then aren’t we going to make ourselves open to abuse, neglect, mistreatment? I have standards, I expect people to be honest, trustworthy, kind, caring, unselfish… Basic decent human traits! Is that too much to ask?!

15/20 years ago I used to say ‘A stranger is just a friend that you don’t know’… But now I know better.

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I am highly intuitive and highly sensitive. I am an empath. I read body language…eye movement, mouth movement, hand movement and other bodily expressions. I listen for tone of voice, changes in tones. What words are being said, how words are delivered and expressed. I notice a person’s subtle and subconscious cues. I can tell if someone is lying to me. I find that i am highly attuned to peoples energies. It’s akin to a sixth sense… But really, all it is, is learned behaviour. It doesn’t take me long to figure people out or their intentions.

I don’t know if I have always been this sensitive to my environment and surroundings. And it’s not always a good thing. I do read into things too much sometimes and I can take things too personally. If i can’t understand someone’s actions, I find myself in a state of needing them to explain it to me. It’s tiresome for all involved. I wish people would just be straight.

At times, i do misread into what people say to me and misjudge situations. 9 times out of 10 that is when i am feeling paranoid. I do get paranoid at times.

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Like many unfortunate children, I grew up in a dysfunctional family setting. At times, to enable peace, I had to become good at reading moods and atmosphere. Listening for tones in voice, changes in tones in voices. Noting people’s behaviour and listening to how things were said to give the ‘right’ answer. The ‘right’ answer may not have always been the true answer anyway, but it had to be the ‘right’ answer to avoid any upset. I learnt how to lie. I learnt how to manipulate. My father was strict. I had to be vigilant. I matured quickly once my mother left. I had to.

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